How to Obtain Marital Bliss

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“And of everything We have created pairs, that you may remember (the Grace of Allaah).” [Sooratudh-Dhariyaat, 51:49]

The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, "O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality..."

The wisdom behind marriage choosing your companion well
The importance of having a good walee

1. What to look for in a good husband/wife

2. Your spouse is your responsibility

3. Living together in comfort, treating each other well

4. How does one interact with one’s wives

From the Questions:

[Q1]: How should the husband or wife treat the step-children?

[Q2]: In jahaliyyah, we had children, the mother is still non-Muslim, would there be benefit in marrying these non-Muslim women in relation to those children being ours (since these children were from zinaa and currently the father has no rights to the children because of this)?

[Q3]: What should a husband a wife do to enjoy each other outside of sexual relations?

[Q4]: What do we do if we go to a walee, and he is the father, and he is not salafee, and he declines the offer or marriage?

[Q5]: If a wife goes to school to better the conditions of her family and also needs to work to support four children, can the husband force her to choose one or the other?

[Q6]: What is the obligation upon the husband (in provision), what about taking his wife out for meals and buying them cars etc.?

[Q7]: What is the reality of disciplining one's children?

[Q8]: When you want to have a sitting with a brother (for marriage), what should you do?

[Q9]: The sisters may look for the deen but also for a brother who take them to movie theaters or amusement parks, as for the brothers, they may think they can mend their problems with these things?

[Q10]: How do we divide our time with our wives?

[Q11]: What should I do regarding my husband not wanting me  to wear a niqaab but my job won't allow me to wear it, so I am around kuffar men who are asking me on dates, I wear niqaab around the Muslims but not around the non-Muslims,  my husband says 'I have to work', it doesn't seem to bother him as it does me?

[Q12]: If you are married to a sister who has a child from jahaliyyah and the child doesn't want to participate in learning the deen in the household with the other children, and the child's grandmother (non-Muslim) tells the child that he/she doesn't have to be Muslim, what should the man of the house do?

[Q13]: Should the wakeel know the condition of the sisters under his responsibility?

[Q14]: How should the walee explain the issue of polygamy to the sister under his care?

[Q15]: In our marriage, she (the wife) won't accept 'Allaah says, his Messenger says', rather she says, 'Allaah says but I think', what should I do?

[Q16]: I know that the men are not to hear the voice of the women without necessity, what is the ruling on the man speaking to women, striking up a conversation with them?

[Q17]: What is the situation with the brother who wishes to take a second wife, he feels that he is able to marry a second yet he only have this ability since he first wife is working?

[Q18]: If the child hasn't reached the age of puberty, how should he behave?

By Aboo 'Abdullaah Hasan as-Sumaalee 

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Some Authentic Ahaadeeth on Marriage

General ahaadeeth pertaining to the procedures of marriage.

The ahaadeeth contained in it are basic and are not intended to be used by the common person to derive interpretations, rather they are for the benefit of of readers in general.

The Following are authentic proofs. I have taken most of them from the book 'Saheeh Al Jaami' As Sagheer wa Ziyaadatuhu' by the scholar, the Muhadith of our age, Muhammad Naasir ud Deen Al Albaanee. Two of the proofs were taken from It'haaf Al Karaam Ta'leeq Alaa Buloogh Al Maraam by Shaykh Safee Ar-Rahmaan Al Mubaarakfooree.{The one who wrote Raheeq Al Makhtoom} Note that I am using the new edition of Saheeh Al Jaami', so the numbering of the Ahaadeeth is not the same as those from the old version. You can refer to the Tarteeb of Shaykh Zuhayr Shaaweesh to the new edition InshaAllaah.

Here is what was easy for me to compile as proofs for the points I mentioned earlier:

1. THE MUTUAL AGREEMENT

"A Woman is not married until she is consulted, and a virgin is not married until you have her permission." They said, "O messenger of Allaah! And how do obtain her permission? He(Sallallaahu Alay hi Wa Sallam) said: "If she is silent." (An taskuta)

[reported by Abu Hurayrah (r)] [Bukhaaree, Muslim, Abu Daawood, and an-Nisaa'ee]

Shaykh Al Albaanee reports it in Mukhtasar Saheeh Muslim no. 602

He makes the takhreej of it in Irwaa Al Ghaleel no. 1727

He declares it authentic in Saheeh Al Jaami' vol. 2, no. 7470

2. THE WALEE

"There is no nikaah, except with a Walee." (Laa nikah illaa bi walee)

[reported by Ibn Abbas (r)] [Ahmad, Abu Daawood, an-Nisaa'ee, At-Tirmidthi, it was authenticated by Imaam Al Haakim - this particular chain is from Abi Moosaa] [It comes from another authentic chain in Ibn Maajah from Ibn Abbaas (r)]

Shaykh Al Albaanee makes the takhreej of it in Irwaa Al Ghaleel no. 1839

He decalares it authentic in Saheeh Al Jaami' vol. 2, no. 7555

NOTE: So both chains are authentic.

b. "There is no marriage except with a Walee, and the Sultaan is the Walee for whomever there is no Walee."

[reported by Aa'ishah(r)] [Ahmad, Ibn Maajah]

Shaykh Al Albaanee declares it authentic in Saheeh Al Jaami' vol. 2, no. 7556.

3. THE WITNESSES

"There is no marriage except with a Walee, and trustworthy witnesses." (Wa Shaahidee 'Adl)

[reported by Umraan, and Aa'ishah(r)] [Bayhaqee]

Shaykh Al Albaanee makes the takhreej of it in Irwaa Al Ghaleel no.'s 1839, 1858, 1860

He declares it authentic in Saheeh Al Jaami' vol. 2, no. 7557

b. "There is no marriage except with a Walee, and two witnesses."

[reported by Abi Moosaa] [At-Tabaraani in Al Kabeer]

Shaykh Al Albaanee makes the takhreej for it in Irwaa Al Ghaleel no. 1839, 1858.

He declares it authentic in Saheeh Al Jaami' vol. 2, no. 7558.

4. THE CONTRACT

In It'haaf Al Karaam, I found the following:

(1018) And from Mu'aawiyah ibn Hakeem from his father that he said, "I said, 'O Messenger of Allaah(Sallallaahu Alayhi Wa Sallam), What is the right that one of our wives has over us?' So he said, 'Feed her when you eat, clothe her when you wear clothes, and do not strike her on the face, and do not revile her or make hijrah from her, except in the house.'

[recorded by Ahmad, and Abu Daawood, and Nisaa'ee, and Ibn Maajah, and Bukhaaree with some parts of it being Mu'allaq, and it was authenticated by Ibn Hibbaan, and Imaam Al Haakim] Shaykh Mubaarakfooree also considers it to be Saheeh. It can be found on p. 304 of It'haaf Al Karaam.

5. THE DOWRY

"The best dowry is the most easy."

[reported by 'Uqbah Ibn Aamir] [Abu Daawood, Ibn Maajah, it was authenticated by Imaam Al Haakim]

Shaykh Al Albaanee makes the Takhreej for it in Irwaa Al Ghaleel no. 1923

He declares it authentic in Saheeh Al Jaami' Vol. 2, 3279

The following is taken from It'haaf Al Karaam p. 307:

Chapter: The Dowry

(1027) From Anas(r) from the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) that he freed Safiyyah, and made her manumittance, her dowry. [Agreed Upon] Shaykh Mubaarakfooree mentions that there are some Fiqh differences among the scholars regarding manumittance as a dowry, but the overall presence of a dowry in marriage can be established from this authentic Hadeeth in general. And Verily Our Lord The Most High Knows Best.

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A Guide to Marriage

By Shaykh Aboo 'Uthmaan Muhammad al-Anjaree
The speaker delivers a well organized and advice filled lecture concerning the institution of marriage in Islaam. 

Review:

The speaker delivers a well organized and advice filled lecture concerning the institution of marriage in Islaam.  This is surely a must hear for all Muslims, men and women who are looking to fulfill this half of their Religion.
 

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Choosing a Husband

What every Muslimah should  look for in a prospective husband

So what is important is that the woman should concentrate on good character and practice of the Deen.

Question: What are the most important matters which should form the basis for a woman to choose a husband, and does refusing a righteous person for worldly reasons bring Allaah's punishment upon her?

Answer: The most important attributes which a woman should seek in one proposing marriage are good character and Deen (Practice of the Religion). As regards wealth and lineage, then these are secondary matters. The most important thing is that the one proposing the marriage should be good in the Deen and in his character - since regarding one possessing Deen and good character, she will not lose out in any respect: if he keeps her, then he will do so in a good manner and if he releases her, he will do so in a good manner. Furthermore, the one possessing Deen and good character will be a blessing for her and her children and she will learn good manners and the Deen from him.

But if the person is one who does not have these attributes then she should avoid him - especially those who are negligent about the prayers, or one who is known to drink intoxicants - and Allaah's refuge is sought... So what is important is that the woman should concentrate on good character and practice of the Deen. As regards lineage, then if it is attainable additionally, then that is more fitting, since Allaah's Messenger (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said: If there comes to you one whose Deen and character is pleasing then give [the woman] in marriage to him

However if one who is also similar in standing is found then that is better.

Shaikh Ibn Uthaimeen in Fataawal-Mar'ah Vol. 1. p.50

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Choosing the Desired Wife

Find out what one should look for in a prospective wife.
 

When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is.

All praise is due to Allaah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad,and upon his family and companions.

When marriage is spoken of during these "modern" times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that "perfect" companion, how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on. The reality is that Islam came to solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately we have integrated our local traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man rather than a delightful experience.

When living in a free, perverted and corrupt Western society, the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him in the streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (s.a.w) echoes on,when he said: "O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality..."

When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is. As Muslims, we believe that Allaah wants the best for us, and that His Prophet (s.a.w) illustrated this through his own life. So note that by following the advise of our own Creator, and that of His beloved servant, we can only be successful.

WHO TO MARRY Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed." This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery. True, beauty and charm is hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and religiousness. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway.

In another hadith, the Prophet (s.a.w) said: "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." Imagine! Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman! This point has been stressed many times by RasulAllaah (s.a.w), who himself, when asked what three things he loved the most, mentioned a pious woman. Once the following ayah was revealed: "They who hoard up gold and silver and do not spend it in the way of Allaah, unto them give tidings of a painful doom. On that day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam, and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said to them): 'Here is what you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what you used to hoard' "[al-Taubah: 34-35]. Umar (r.a.a) has been quoted to say that, when this ayah was revealed, he approached the Prophet (s.a.w), submitting that the ayah weighed heavily on the minds of the Sahaba. RasulAllaah (s.a.w) replied that the best thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who causes pleasure when seen, obeys orders instantly and takes full care of herself and her husbands property when he is away.

Abu Bakr once asked RasulAllaah (s.a.w) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (s.a.w) replied: "the tongue in remembrance of Allaah, the heart filled with thanks to Allaah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds". Look at how valuable such a woman is in the sight of Allaah! How can a man live unhappily with such a person.

QUALITIES OF THE PIOUS WOMAN Alright, you say, you've convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allaah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur'an, and in the ahadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman. The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities. The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities. "And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity"[s.24;v.26]

"Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allaah would have them guard"[s.4;v.34]

"It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allaah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allaah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast..."[s.66;v.5].

And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allaah, qualities which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes:

-a Muslim woman
-a Muslim woman
-a believing woman
-a devout woman
-a true woman
-a woman who is patient and constant
-a woman who humbles herself
-a woman who gives charity
-a woman who fasts and denies herself
-a woman who guards her chastity
-a woman who engages much in Allaah's praise. Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allaah because of her religious qualities: "O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down"[s.3;v.43]. Another was the wife of Pharaoh: "And Allaah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold she said: 'O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden' "[s.66;v.11].

The Prophet (s.a.w) loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab: "(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allaah's Messenger (s.a.w), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allaah, the Exalted, than her."

Ah, you think, but you'll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allaah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn't exist, yet "if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allaah brings about through it a great deal of good"[s.4;v.19]. Remember also that you are not perfect either.

KNOWING WHO SHE IS

To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that first one relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allaah asks the believing women that they should "lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments," and also that they "should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments"[s.24;v.31]. If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I'm sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other "just good friends".

Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points, and don't stress on her weak ones.

Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to track her Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to track her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear brother, no-one knows her heart and intentions, no-one knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allaah.

TRUST IN Allaah

We are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge.

Allaah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognize His infinite knowledge and wisdom. illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognize His infinite knowledge and wisdom. Islam is likened to being as a house, and in my estimation nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allaah. It is related on the authority of Jabir ibn 'Abdullah that the Prophet (s.a.w) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special du'a (known as an istikharah), the guidance of Allaah in all matters which affected them. RasulAllaah (s.a.w) said: "When you are confused about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two rak'at of nafl salaat and read the following du'a (du'a of istikharah)."

I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du'a, and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive. So why shouldn't we turn to Allaah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allaah responds to the call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him.

Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims will pray, read the du'a, and run to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their future wife, what her favorite color is, and some other weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat.

The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your feelings, (i.e. you think about everything carefully and then make a decision ) . Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or against you - so you re-evaluate your situation again - and perhaps your decision might change. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allaah, you may be blessed with a dream.

The Prophet (s.a.w) once sent Zainab a proposal of marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to Allaah: "I do not do anything until I solicit the will of my Lord." Allaah, the Responsive, answered her plea for help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage. We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can have, yet she was just recognizing that it is Allaah who knows how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Qur'an.

The Prophet (s.a.w) once said to Aisha: "I saw you in a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to me in a silk cloth and he said: 'Here is your wife', and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it was yourself, so I said: 'if this is from Allaah, let Him carry it out' ". Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the rarer of your children. Don't marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight of Allaah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent. When asking Allaah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us: "For Allaah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by them"[s.7;v.189]. Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say: "Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous"[al-Furqan,74]. I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allaah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us. Allaah says: "Put your trust in Allaah, for Allaah loves those who put their trust in Him"[s.3;v.159]. May Allaah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves.